Stop pleasing and victimising yourself

How dare you, you might think, that is not that I am doing! But I dare to say that you are. At least a bit. Because that is how we are raised: to be good girls and good boys. To do what is expected from us. To do more, to be more. To take other people’s feelings into account. To look out for other people’s approval. And when we don’t get that approval, or when they don’t consider our feelings, we become victims. Why? We ask. Why don’t they see me, get me, praise me? Or bitches/villains and we lash out. Usually completely unexpected and to the wrong people.

This is what I call the unproductive triangle. It is the only strategy we know, but it doesn’t help us to accelerate our impact. We need a new strategy. And luckily there is, and it is a 2-step process.

Step 1:

We need to embrace our wild (wo)man. The part of us that we suppress. Our f*ck you, this is my life part. Our sensual part. Our creative part. Our fun part. Our deeply grounded, present, unshakable part. Because that is where our boundaries are. And where our truth is about yes, I do, or no I don’t. This can be our life saving part in case of danger. Or the part that makes our wishes and needs absolutely clear to another person.

The problem is that we are collectively afraid of this wild part of us. It is the reason why we were burned at the stake, stoned, thrown out of our community and die consequently. This fear is still unconsciously present in our subconscious mind. And depending on where you are in your personal development, you might find this wild part either threatening or very attractive when you see it in somebody else.

And finally, and I know you get this because it is archetypical, when you are a good girl/boy you feel the contempt and absolute lack of interest of a wild (wo)man.

But if you want to be clear, inspirational, creative and courage, get to know your inner wild (wo)man.

Step 2:

Step into your wise (wo)man. This is the wild (wo)man with compassion, with a heart, with understanding. But without the need of approval that the good girl/boy has. The wise one is able to see life from a balcony so to speak. To see the theatre and all the roles everybody is playing. (S)he will understand, but not facilitate.

The wise one is grounded, approachable, inspiring, and very clear. Knowing their mission, values, and vision. Living it. Being it. (S)he can consciously choose, depending on the situation to step into the wild one, and back into wise again. This is the real leader. Needing nothing, providing love and consciousness. It is who you should be.